10/03/2016

Resenting Your Body To Reshaping Your Soul

When I first met Reese I was just getting in the habit of going to the gym as it was so accessible to my work at the time. I was doing really well considering I hated exercise. I was pleased that I was committing to a routine at last. It didn't last long though, I fell for Reese and we spent all our time eating Dominoes watching films and partying! There went the fitness, shit.

We've been together over four years now and well the biggest form of exercise thats been in my life has been getting up the stairs, now my knees are struggling at that. I've had no motivation to care for my body because as you may or may not know I have resented my body for a long time, for miscarrying my angels. I blame my body. 


Whether it be true medically or not, that's how I feel. I don't make effort with my looks, my diet, or exercise. There has been absolutely no motivation there to want to care for myself. I've always put my heart and soul into Penelope. She comes before anything else.

I have come to realise since the New Year that what I am doing is selfish to myself. Why am I punishing myself like this? Being out of shape, and looking at a person in the mirror that I am not proud of makes me miserable, brings down my confidence, and elevates my anxiety.

I haven't just been punishing my body, I've been punishing my emotional well being. Surely that's going to have a knock on effect in every other aspect of my life? Thinking about this makes me angry, motivated, and ready to get fit. If I have wanted to give my heart and soul to Penelope why am I not trying to make myself the happiest I can be and let it lavish over the one thing I am proud of, my little rainbow. I should be giving her the happiest mummy in the world. Showing her that mummy is proud of her body, proud to be who she is. Baby loosing body or not. I shouldn't be resenting myself, I should be reshaping myself so I can heal. To come to accept my body for what it is and is not. To realise my body is not as strong in the ways I wish it was. I have been selfish and this spring, I'm not allowing myself to do this anymore. I'm going to get fit for summer!

Expect some fitness posts upcoming, next to arrive is my Get Fit For Summer Wishlist!

        
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