31/01/2016

Weekend Toddler Style #1

Hi Everybody! Really excited to join in with the first week of the Weekend Tot Style. I thought why not start back up with these fashion posts again and get started at this relaunch. Perfect Timing! I have also included my Toddler Inspiration video from my Youtube Channel at the end of this post for you to  browse in more detail.

I hope you've all had a great weekend, I'm just about to get started on a roast dinner and my dads coming over shortly as he does every Sunday afternoon. 

23/01/2016

Mummy Moments Of Joy [ WEEK 1 ]

Since becoming a mum I've had the privilege of spending so many valuable days with my little P, I feel lucky to be able to have anytime with her. I am however human and some days have been really tough and tears of a desperately drained mummy have been shed. I get that overwhelming feeling of just wanting to hide away and have some time to myself but they are just short term feelings. Most days I get such a overwhelming feeling of joy being able to be this little girls mum that feeling takes over any stress, any upset or frustration. All of it vanishes when I see my Penny laugh or even just watching her playing with her cereal bowls.

We have had so much fun together and I have so many little moments of joy that I just wanted to share with you. Sometimes its good to take notice of the little things that you wouldn't normally appreciate.


1. You love your animals

Arms reaching up, standing on your tippie toes with your little face trying to look upon the kitchen sides. Getting your chin as high up as you can just to get a peek. Snowbell you say in your own little toddler babbling speech. Our little furry pet hamster, a pet who you never even knew existed nor noticed until the last month or two. Yet these days any time you walk into the kitchen you run straight over to that kitchen side to say hello. We pick you up and sit you on the kitchen side where you get so excited you squeal and laugh.

22/01/2016

Penelopes 18 Month Update!

I HAVE AN 18 MONTH OLD TODDLER? Time is flying by and these updates are feeling like I post them a week apart. How is it possible that Penelope is one and a half years old now? Although I can definitely see her appearance is changing rapidly, its hard to accept in my head/heart that shes growing up. I forget that in actual fact she understands alot more that she tends to let on. Shes got alot more going on up top than I think she has.

Penelope has started understand a fair few new instructions, like putting things away, or getting down from the table if I ask her too. Penny will go and find a toy if i ask her to find it, she brings it over to me. I can ask her to open her mouth to brush her teeth and she will understand and follow through.

She still hates nappy changes has done since around 5 months old! This proves so complicated now though as I used to be able to bribe her with nursery rhymes on my phone while I cleaned up the mess, but now I'm at a loss as she is not interested mainly over the songs. I end up sweating trying to pin down her legs so that poo doesn't fly everywhere!

The little grotty mare has learnt to pick her nose haha. I have caught her a few times with her fingers up her snout! I tell her to be a lady and not do that.

Our routine this month has been all over the place, since Christmas she seems to have started an almighty sleep regression, which mean she wont sleep anywhere unless I'm around really. Meaning she doesn't want her cot day or night, this is something we are going to work on over the next month or so.

Penny has been starting to have her dummy time reduced meaning only nap time, and bedtime use only. She has been very unwell so have allowed some sympathy dummy time but apart from that I have been strict. I have noticed a massive enhancement on her speech and her want to talk. She literally doesn't stop nattering away. She talks and babbles about everything she see's or does. Copies pretty much any word you say. She has said, turtle, bubble, Pippin, circle, down, Snowbell (our hamster), piggy, neigh neigh, yay, chocolate, dinner,and so many more new words.

She has been going with a childminder regularly this month one or two days a week for 4 hours a day. I'll be working and so will Reese so she is completely parent free. Its nice for her to get some independence and to grow confidence without having us there. She settles in so fast, and has a great time when she goes. I get a little report about her day, what shes, eaten, and what her toilet habits have been like. Its just what I imagine nursery to be like. 

I haven't seen any new teeth recently but the red cheeks flares have been coming and going. They seem to make her go into uproar for five minutes then they cool down and so does she. Not sure why it does this?

Her hair is growing so fast now, it comes down past her neck onto her shoulders when combed after a bath. There seems to be alot more at the back on the bottom than the rest of her head, that seems to be where the length comes in. She has big curls at the moment, and some days its so crazy I just don't know what to do with it. I can get it into a pony tail, but she tends to hate it so avoid it when at home. I think we may need to get her hair trimmed a little soon though, she has some long sections that are now starting to get into her eyes. 

Penelope is wearing a size 1-1/2 in most of her clothes but is slowing outgrowing them and we've started using some of her 1/12-2 clothes. Shes always had short arms so even most of the 1-1/2 stuff still is to long on her arms. My little T-rex.

Loves: 
Dancing ring'a'ring a roses
Putting things on her head
Eating chocolate
Toy Story 3 (the film)
Plastic animal figures
Pippin
Soft play
Baked Beans

Hates:
Nappy changes
Getting dressed
Eating anything but beans
Being told no
The naughty corner
When mummy or daddy leave the house
Not sleeping with mummy
When she watching her songs and my phone battery dies.
       
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13/01/2016

Goals For 2016

I always set myself goals/resolutions for the New Year, although I never seem to put enough pressure on myself to stick to them, hense I don't usually get passed a week before giving up. However this year all of these goals are massively important goals to me so I am hoping they will be easier to stick to as they are things I really want to achieve.

1. Spending more time in our garden
After living in our flat for a few years, since having a dog and a baby not having a garden felt like a dream. Our flat was on facing traffic so it was not even relaxing to open the patio doors to get some air. This year I want to embrace the garden we now have since moving into a house and make it into somewhere we all want to spend our time. I want to plant flowers, grow vegetables, paint the fences, put gravel, and bark down. I just want to grow green fingers!

2. Save more money
Never being able to stick to my word of saving money has been a regular part of my life. I always make excuses for myself as to why I have not saved anything at the end of the year and end up just kicking myself and feeling stupid. This year I'm going to be doing some saver challenges I've seen around on Facebook, Pinterest and such like. It cant be that hard right?

3. Work harder on my blog and youtube
I have always focused my blog completely on Penelope but I feel now after around 2 years I need to up my game a little; broaden out my topics, juice things up a little. I havent been able to find my niche yet and thats what I need to figure out. Where do I take my blog from here!? I want a redesign, I'll need to possibly change my blog name as my once Babyypebbles is quite clearly not such a little Pebble nor a baby any more (waaaah).

4. Work harder on my relationship
Other parents can most likely say they have been guilty of this too, but I consume myself with Penelope so much so that I don't leave room for my partner Reese. I focus on making sure she has everything and is having the most awesome time that by the end of the day I'm exhausted and am ready to pass out in bed. Reese is left with nothing. He is also guilty as he see's his friends a little to much in the week. So we both need to be more present and make more time for eachother, and stick to a date night a week.

5. Travel more as a three
Getting out and about this year feels extra important this year. Penelope is taking in her surroundings now and engaging with her environments, so getting out to engage in different experiences seems logical. I want to go on a holiday just us three to somewhere short haul like perhaps Spain as its always lovely there and we have been to lots of areas there between me and Reese. I want to go on trips out like Sealife Centres, Zoo's, Peppa Pig World, and all that good fun stuff.

6. Find time for me
I am forever putting myself at the bottom of the pile and while I notice I do this I still tend not to put some time in for myself. Reese even tells me off saying I need to take more notice of what I want or need. This year I want to find myself again and start making some quality time for me.

7. Driving
I need to drive, to get on the road find my independence and go where I want to bloody go, when I want to go somewhere. It's so annoying and demolishing slightly having to rely on everyone else when you want to be somewhere. I find it horrendous. This year I'm going to book my theory and make sure I dont do my lessons until after it is done as I quit my lessons after a confidence drop from failing my theory by one mark. Once I have done my theory then I will book my lessons.

8. Be the mum I can be
I want to get to the end of 2016 and say I did the best I could for Penny, to say I took her out as much as I could by going to baby groups, join her up to classes, like gymnastics, ballet and other fun things. I want her to be proud of me and although I know she wouldn't mind what we did in a year I still want to say I did my best to give her a great mummy.

9. I want to get fit this year
Yes, surprise surprise. I've always had something to whinge about when it comes to my body, I had a birth mark that ruined my confidence when I was younger, it affected what I wore, where I went, my schooling, everything was affected by a mark on my body (I had 3 operations to remove it in high school). Then as I grew older the typical self conscious weight issues started. not having the flattest tummy or most firm butt going I found myself always having an issues with my body. While now I see some of those things totally credited to being a typical teenager wanting to be perfect. Hormones raging that type of thing. I still have hang ups about what I want for my body now, after having Penny I just let myself go not taking care of myself. Not excising, not drinking, eating badly while I'm not fussed about the weight I just want to be  healthy and fit.

10. Finish what I start
I've always been quite a creative mind, ideas flowing all the time. I get so carried away with an idea I start it and then it fizzles out and I move onto the next big idea. I'm left with half finished projects or great ideas never followed up, some which I come to regret not doing. I want to go back and finish some of the projects I started last year and complete them before carrying on or starting new ideas.

Do you have any goals for 2016? I feel its good to set yourself some resolutions/goals for the year as it gives you something to focus on through the months. Its a great feeling if you do manage to stick to a goal and complete it and I want to have that feeling going into 2017.

Heres the YouTube video on my channel I created for my goals for 2016, you can view that also if you like...



       
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02/01/2016

Why I Am Scared To Have Another Child













Reading that title you might assume I'll be talking about not coping with two children, or that I'm just not ready to be a mum of two. While those points are all in the back of my mind and partly I feel are somewhat true. Right now we don't want another baby in our lives as we want to enjoy Penelope and get ourselves in a place where we are comfortable enough to welcome another family member. If there could ever be such a time. See I'm not very comfortable about the idea of being pregnant again, unless there was a guarantee perfect pregnancy involved; not possible I know but wouldnt that be great!

Don't get me wrong, I'd adore Penny to have a sibling and I definitely want to have another child to add to our little family, to love and adore just as much as I do Penelope, but the thought of going through what we have been through already, scares the skin off me.

If you haven't read my blog before I lost two babies before having my daughter, on one of the losses I had to have a surgical procedure to remove the baby, and after Penelope was born we were surprised with another pregnancy that ended in miscarriage also. It confirmed my worst fears that the battle we fought not once but twice for our daughter would continue if we were to try for another child. Yes, I know it may not but in my mind from our experiences and track record in pregnancy we have a 1 in 4 chance and that not being totally correct as I would of aged also. That being said means I may have to loose another two pregnancies to even be likely to carry another baby full term like I did with Penelope. The doctors has also said that because I had a healthy baby inbetween 3 miscarriages I would not be entitled to any medication of any sorts or, investigation unless I lost a recurrent 3 miscarriages, which means I also have to loose two more babies before anyone looks into our problems. If that thought is not scary enough, I don't know what is.

Maybe I am overthinking but who wouldn't with a situation like this. I don't think I can cope with any more of that heartache. The emotional roller coaster that comes with it from the joy of getting a positive test, the days/weeks your led to believe everything is fine to having a green slip diagnosing you of your loss passed to you in a box room, leaving you angry, empty and lost.

The strain it adds to a relationship, shutting him out when you need him most is the worst because you just don't help yourself. You become your own worst enemy. I learnt that I needed Reese through our losses and having him there even if he didn't know sometimes what set me off crying, it just mattered that he was there and would tell me everything would be okay meant the world. WE had many an argument and had our moments in which it got the better of us but we stuck together.

If I'm honest (and I always am) if anything it shown me that our relationship is so strong that we have been able to get through this three times. and still come out the otherside still together. We have our issues but we know we are strong enough to cope with them. If we didn't have those losses I don't think we would be where we are now, that sounds awful but I really believe that. If we didn't loose those babies and didn't experience what we have who knows we might have given up at any old argument, but because we have we stand stronger and more together than anyone who hasn't been through this.

I filled my head with such guilt and anger that I put yourself in such a low place that it takes so long to get back out of. Its not actually anyone elses fault at all. Yet there I was screaming inside my own head at my body for doing something so cruel to me. I hated myself and still to this day after this long, I put blame on myself for all different reasons trying to justify a reason for it all. I'll never actually be able to justify any of the losses but it gives me somewhat of a peaceful mind knowing it was not for no reason at all, that I cant accept.

Loosing a pregnancy while I had Penny was hard and easier in a sense, harder because it made it more real as to what I had lost, and would be without. Easier because I felt blessed to have her and it made me feel greatful for everything I did have. It doesnt take away the pain but I honestly feel that Penelope got me through my third loss she was my focus, my priority and thats exactly what I needed.

I know I could cope with more losses, I'd grind my teeth and have my heart burnt a thousand more times if it meant having what I have with Penelope with another child. To see my children playing on the floor together and being bundled on by both.
       
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