19/10/2015

Retuning To Work: Leaving You Behind...

After having 15 months off on maternity leave mothering my first child, returning to work has crept on in. Its been amazing being able to spend my days with my daughter and knowing that no matter what she would have me right by her side. Every mealtime, nap time, and any time she felt sad or needed me id be just a whinge away. I wish it could of gone on like that until she started nursery but it just was not practical for our family. We've been lucky to have gone this long already. I know many parents that have chosen by preference or are forced back into work sooner by life circumstances. 

We needed some extra cash coming into the household to allow us to have a little more freedom. The time came in which we decided it was time to bite the bullet in me getting myself a small job during the week. I wont be working everyday more like 2 days a week; 3 days at most. I know its not full time work but its still a huge change for me as a parent who's cared for Penelope day to day for well over a year. I want to write Penelope a letter sharing my feelings about leaving her behind when I go to work. To show her how my heart strings tug and my eyes fill up when I walk down the road...

To Penelope,

I hoped we'd be sharing each day together for a while longer but our pockets need some extra pennies in them. To be able to buy you nice things and to take to you fun places mummy has to go to work, only for a few days a week. I know it will be different and perhaps may seem rather disowning to you at first. Mummy has definitely not disowned you little P in actual fact I'm doing this for you because I love you and I want you to have everything.

I know your having fun when I'm not there I've seen the amount of toys on the living room floor from a day with daddy, hasen't it been nice to have some quality daddy time just you two? I've seen how happy you two are together, your such a crazy pair. For now while daddy can take care of you (that is until we make other fun arrangements for you) you have this special time to enjoy each other and that makes me happy, its easier for mummy to know that your with someone you love and trust.

Leaving you behind is the hardest part of all, seeing you follow me around as I try to get ready for work makes me sad. Your at that age in which your starting to recognize when its time to go out only on certain days your not coming with me. Your'll grab your shoes and hold them up to me to put on you and this saddens me so, it tugs at my intensely tangled heart strings a little more than normal.

Having to distract you with daddy while I skip out the door is sometimes easier for me if you don't notice me going. I don't leave hearing you cry. Instead I get to see you snuggled up with your daddy cosy and content. On a day when you see me leaving I have a lump in my throat and have to fight back my tears because knowing your sad, confused as to where I've gone, and left feeling like mummy has left you are the worst days for me. I hate knowing your upset and that you want me there. Days like that I have to force myself to leave you because i'd easily throw off my shoes and coat to come right back to you. Its hard being a working parent, and now I can understand how daddy must feel having to do this 5 days a week to support us all.

Coming home the first thing I want to see is that little smile you give me, I love being able to play with you again, being silly on the floor. I smother you in kisses and cuddle you till you go pop. Only, bedtime comes rather quickly it'll be time for work again soon, time to leave you behind again, just for a short while...but rest assured the days we are together mummy will do her best to make those moments count.

I hope you know that everything we do or say is for the good of you, and that nothing in this world means more to us than you. I will never disown you little P mummy will always be back, everything is for you.

Lots of love
Mummy xxx

          
          You can follow me via: Twitter Facebook Instagram Bloglovin' | Email

10 comments:

  1. I know those exact feelings, it's so hard isn't it. I'm so glad I'm on maternity leave again so u see indie more. She'll understand when she's older though, and you really can do more with extra money coming in :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. A man may lead a horse to the water, but he cannot make it drink.
    ____________________________
    RS Gold

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah mate, she will bloody love it! It'll upset you more than it will her, kids adapt so well. It'll do you good to get back out there and have some adult conversation, and with it only being part time I bet she barely even notices!! Good luck to you, I bet it'll be great for you all xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm lucky that I can work from home so I haven't had to go through this yet. I can imagine that it's so hard!

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a lovely letter. I felt the same about going back to work too. Its hard but you soon find a new 'normal' Good luck xx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hope you all get into a new routine soon, being apart is hard at first but since it is only for a few days a week, a happy medium can be found for all.xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aww it's so hard isn't it and like you say she has a lovely time when you're at work. That's great she has some quality time with her dad. Lucky girl. I hope you're enjoying your job a bit x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Aw so lovely Louise. Definitely pulls on your heart strings having to leave them. x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Im sure she will adjust to you being away for a couple of days really easily. You'll probably find it makes the days you do spend together a little more precious xx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Leaving baby to go to work is the hardest thing at the start, isn't it? I hope you've both adjusted to this new way of life

    ReplyDelete

I would really love it if you could leave us a comment. It would be great to hear from you and I shall reply as soon as I can. Thankyou so much for taking the time to read my blog post. x