01/08/2015

Anxiety Over My Daughter

I've always been an anxious person growing up and I still am today. One of the biggest things I am constantly anxious about is Penelope, my little girl. Surprise, surprise, you might think. Yes as all parents I endlessly worry about their babies. But do I worry more than some? I don't know.
I have overwhelming moments where I worry something's going to happen to her in which she'll be taken away from me. I've had so many awful nightmares about people snatching her, or her passing away in her sleep in which I always find myself unable to call for an ambulance or get help from people. It's so distressing and I wish more than anything those dreams stop pronto. I never want to feel like that and I hate having those dreams and often I cry about them, or wake up crying.

I had a phase where I would sleep with Penny in my bed, more because she was very unsettled and her routine had fallen out of place but it brought me so much relief knowing she was right there if anything should ever happen. She's now in the habit of sleeping in her cot in her room without me. I find myself thinking about the worst possible scenario's working myself up to tears most times, what if she fell victim to cot death, or caught her leg in her bars, or twisted her arm , suffocated under her blanket, just every possible nightmare I'd imagine it. She's only next door for crying out loud!

I worry about the world we live in today.  I cant deal with watching the news on a typical day even pre baby because it's just so frighting what goes on in the world. Although I try to keep away from that drama I often find myself still being exposed to it or told about it by friends or family. I don't feel 100% safe being home typically, and I do not feel safe being abroad. It becomes overwhelming because I feel like I cant fully protect Penny. That's such a awful attitude to have as we cant run scared our whole lives over some very strange and sick individuals. But how can you not worry when you have children?

She is the most treasured part of my life that getting to keep her seems way too good to be true. Sometimes it's hard to believe she is really here to stay, and I KNOW that feeling of being unable to keep my babies stems from my miscarriages. I accept that, but it's a year later since she arrived and I still find myself constantly anxious. Maybe that's parenthood, but I find most of it quite traumatic.
          
          You can follow me via: Twitter Facebook Instagram Bloglovin' | Email 

No comments:

Post a Comment

I would really love it if you could leave us a comment. It would be great to hear from you and I shall reply as soon as I can. Thankyou so much for taking the time to read my blog post. x