14/02/2015

When Is The Right Time For More Children?


I'm one of those over organised list makers, I always have been. Ever since I was young (and niave) i'd sit down to plan my life out through listing it all down in novelty notepads. I always remember the plans I'd made for my future family life. If I was that age again it would proberly have gone abit like this...

1. Get a boyfriend
2. Get married
3. Move in to a house
4. Have babies
5.Get a dog
6. Live happily ever after

That's what every young girl dreams of isn't it? Oh bless my poor unknowing younger self, there was me thinking it was just a matter of six quick and easy steps. I'm still young I know that... gosh I'm only 23 years old and maybe still at times I'm niave and immature but I've grown up very quickly my whole life and on most occasions if you were to speak to my other half or family they'd say to you that a lot of the time I'm a little up tight and can be too serious about life. But maybe that's because of what I've learnt so far, a way I've had to be to stay sane and keep myself 'with it'. My easy six step dream definitely didn't pan out like i hoped. 

Although thankfully all those things I either have now or are not far off the horizon, the journey to it was a roller coaster but I have pretty much done it. The main focus of this post is my 'have babies' step, I always wanted two children...first a girl then a boy that's the normal tradition in my family. I had planned it asif I could almost control it, there would be a 2 and a half years difference between them and they would be the cutest monkeys ever, and I'd be the proud mummy.

If you've read my previous post on our journey leading up to having our beautiful first child Penelope then you may know already that it wasent as easy as getting pregnant and giving birth to a healthy baby. We went on a physical and mental whirl wind to get her, finally having  my first child felt like we'd climbed over the highest mountain! The stress and strain it put us through was horrific, but all worth it, she's worth the absolute earth! 

Now after everything, my dreams of a blissfully easy straight forward family is just that; a child's dream. After all of that hurt, loss, and struggle I have recently started to find myself pondering over my second child. I worry that I'll face more losses or won't be able to carry another baby after two losses already (I was 21-22 at the time). I keep thinking to myself all these crazy scenarios for example 'Is it a risk to wait another 2-3 years for when I'm 25-26 when my fertility could decrease or the chance of miscarrying get stronger as time goeis on'. I know I will not be old as such but in my mind I fear that because of my track record it can only get worse the longer I leave it.

So that leads me to think when is the right time to try for child no.2? Tomorrow, next week, or in two years time? How can you know that? To me it feels impossible to be able to tell. How can anytime be the 'right' time? We don't know what'll happen in 3 years time, we won't know whether we'll be worse off for money or having other family/life issues. Right now we're only 7 months into having our daughter come into the world we are still adjusting even now. People keep asking as to 'when the next one is'. The truth is...part of me (the panicking part) wants a baby now because I don't want to miss out on giving Penny a sibling, we have everything we'd need still as we haven't sold it off  or ruined it and I would rather have my children close together than have to go through it all in 2-3 years time, and the other says now is not the right time, wait till you have more money saved, enjoy Penny for now.

I see points in both sides but I'm still left  undecided about when I want to try for my next child. Im not in a rush as such but I would like to know where my heads at about it. I spoke to Reese about what our plan is and he too can see the pros and cons for both sides, he's really open about it.. So after me fretting way to much about even mentioning it thinking he'd laugh or say outright no wait the 2 years and me then figure I want to try to conceive in the next 4 months would be too difficult, but infact we had a really good talk about it. Sometime soon we agreed to sit down and each talk about what we think is right for us. I guess child no.2 your'll come when the time is right for you! Whether that be after  more crushing losses, in 3 years time or next month either way I can't wait to have you as a welcomed addition into our family.

Lots of Love
Lorraine xxx


The Dad Network

4 comments:

  1. What a great heartfelt and honest post. It's amazing first of all when we're young and we have this idolised vision of what to do and how to do it. Sorry you've had to face so many crushing moments. It makes choices that much harder to move forward with. I know from experience that it plays heavily on your mind and often more so than you'd openly admit. Having a second baby is a big move and decision. I think it is one of those things that whilst it plays on your mind the more worry and panic that you'll be difficult to be 'ready'. Choosing the right moment I think is impossible....I think knowing yourself and being comfortable will suddenly happen and then you'll know it is the right the moment.
    Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky

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    1. Yeah definitely feeling like this decision isn't one to just brush off, I need to discover what I want. I'm a women we never know where our heads are at! Hormones don't you know... But in all seriousness thankyou so much for your comment it was really lovely. And your welcome for the link up it was my pleasure :)

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  2. I am sorry to read of your experiences. It sounds like a tough hard road you've been down. We are having this exact conversation. We lost our first baby at 12 weeks and my wife worried throughout her whole pregnancy. She's ten years older than me so is already worrying about whether she will be able to have another. Our son is 6 months old and we are already trying for our second but i think its such a personal thing and what is right for one couple isn't right for another. I wrote a similar post and comments ranged from people wanting one literally ass soon as they could and others leaving ten plus years between them. Good luck with the future.Thanks for sharing this and for linking up #bigfatlinky

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  3. So sorry you've had to experience a loss, it's so darn hard. Congratulations on your little one though that's beautiful news. I too know of lots of couples who've decided to have another baby at all different stages but your right it's each to their own and aslong as they are happy. I feel like it's been taken out of my hands a little though as I have to now worry about miscarrying all the time etc. Who knew having children could be such hard work and that's not ment in actual terms haha!

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